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SMALL IRONIES: Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Three

Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Seven

Chapter Forty-Eight

Chapter Forty-Nine

Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty-One

Chapter Fifty-Two

Epilogue

Three Continents

From the ship at sea 1

From the ship at sea 2

From the ship at sea 3

From the ship at sea, 4

From the ship at sea, 5

From the ship at sea , 6

From Rio!!

The Trip Home

NEW SHORT STORIES

Nothing There For You

Nothing There For You, 2

Nothing There For You, 3

Nothing There For You, 4

Chase of The Thrill, 1

Chase of the Thrill, 2

Chase of the Thrill, 3

Chase of The Thrill, 4

Of Course, part1

Of Course, part 2

Of Course, part 3

Of Course, concluded

In Memory: Of My Cruise 1

In Memory: Of My Cruise 2

In Memory: Of My Cruise 3

In Memory: Of My Cruise 4

Las Vegas, 1

Las Vegas, 2

Las Vegas, 3

Las Vegas, 4

Las Vegas, concluded

Mad Moment #1

Mad Moment #2

Mad Moment #3

Mad Moment #4

Margaret Never Knows, 1

Margaret Never Knows, 2

Margaret Never Knows, 3

Margaret Never Knows, 4

Margaret Never Knows, 5

Remote, part 1

Remote, part 2

Remote, part 3

Remote, concluded

POETRY

April's Fools

Easter Sunday

...simple answers

And when they come at me

Fogged In

BROADWAY/NYC THEATRE

Love, Linda

Curtains

Barrington Stage Co. 2010

Art

Pool Boy

Sweeney Todd

The Whipping Man

Freud's Last Session

BSC ARCHIVED REVIEWS

Carousel

The Fantasticks

I Am My Own Wife

Mysteries of Harris Burdi

Private Lives

See Rock City. . .

Sleuth

...Spelling Bee

A Streetcar Named Desire

This Wonderful Life

To Kill a Mockingbird

Trumbo

Underneath the Lintel

The Violet Hour

Berkshire Opera

Le Nozze di Figaro

La Boheme

Berkshire Theatre 2010

The Guardsman

Endgame

The Last Five Years

K2

BTF ARCHIVED REVIEWS

BTF Archive

The Book Club Play

Broadway by the Year

Candida

Candide

The Caretaker

A Christmas Carol

The Einstein Project

Eleanor: Her Secret Journ

Faith Healer

Ghosts

A Man For All Seasons

Noel Coward in Two Keys

Pageant Play

Prisoner of 2nd Avenue

Red Remembers

Sick

Waiting for Godot

Chester Theatre Company

Tilted House

The Dishwashers

Almost, Maine

Blackbird

Copake Theatre Company

Nine Months

I Do! I Do!

Sour Grapes

Talking Heads

Grace & Glorie

Dorset Theatre Fest 2010

Murder on the Nile

Fallen Angels

The Pavilion

DORSET ARCHIVED REVIEWS

The Hollow

June Moon

Marry Me a Little

Merton of the Movies

St. Nicholas

A Year with Frog and Toad

Ghent Playhouse

Prisoner/2nd Avenue

Mrs. Farnsworth

Complete Wm Shakespeare

Puss in Boots

Belles

Enchanted April

Dancing at Lughnasa

The Boys Next Door

Jack and the Beanstalk

Clue: The Musical

6 Women...

Picnic

Hair Loom!

Over the River, etc.

Literature

B ob Dylan

Christmasville

A Lesser Saint

Upstreet, #1

Mac-Haydn Theatre 2010

Damn Yankees

Chicago

The Secret Garden

Anything Goes

MACHAYDN ARCHIVED REVIEWS

Beauty and the Beast

Chorus Line

Crazy For You

Hairspray

Hello, Dolly!

High Society

Joseph. . .Dreamcoat

Meet Me in St. Lou

Phantom

The Sound of Music

Sweet Charity

Music

Journeys by Robert Baksa

Mary Verdi: Precious Love

Mahagonny

NYSTI

Romeo & Juliet

And Then There Were None

King Island Christmas

A Legend of Sleepy Hollow

The Philadelphia Story

Yours, Anne

Orphan Train

Of Mice and Men

Twelve Angry Jurors

Anastasia

1776

Macbeth

Miracle On 34th Street

Arsenic and Old Lace

American Soup

Ordeal By Innocence

Reunion

OLDCASTLE ARCHIVED REVIEW

"Almost, Maine" in VT

Beauty Queen of Leenane

The Grass is Greener

One Two Three

Third

Restaurants

Bezalel Gables

Blantyre

Brazillian

Burrito Bound

SPICE!

Shakespeare & Co-2010

The Winter's Tale

Richard III

Mengelberg and Mahler

Julius Caesar

SHAKES & CO ARCHIVES

The Actors Rehearse...

All's Well That Ends Well

Bad Dates

The Canterville Ghost

Cindy Bella

Dreamer Examines Pillow

Goatwoman of Corvis Count

Golda's Balcony

Hound of Baskervilles

The Ladies Man

Liaisons Dangereuses

Othello

Pinter's Mirror

Romeo and Juliet

Shirley Valentine

Twelfth Night

White People

Special Attractions

"Earnest" in Albany

Life Is Short

Paris, 1890--Unlaced

BCC's A Christmas Carol

Sister's Christmas Catech

The Pajame Game

Her Name is Vincent

Property Known as Garland

12th Night

I Know I Came...Something

Forbidden Broadway

Doubt, a Parable

Voices' A Christmas Carol

Dickens A Christmas Carol

Marie Galante

Machinal

Capitol Steps

Late Nite Catechism

Rabbit Hole

Taming of The Shrew

Mystery of Irma Vep

I Love a Piano

The News in Revue

The Mikado

Saturday Night Liv

A Chorus Line

BCC - Christmas Carol

Morgan O-Yuki

Rent

Stageworks Hudson 2010

Imagining Madoff

Or,

Theater Barn 2010

Spider's Web

Red, White and Tuna

THEATER BARN ARCHIVES

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Forever Plaid

Grease

How the Other Half Loves

Leading Ladies

Moonlight and Magnolias

The Mousetrap

Murder at Howard Johnson

The Musical of Musicals

Romance, Romance

Same Time, Next Year

Veronica's Room

Visiting Mr. Green

Zanna Don't!

Visual Arts

Walking the Dog Thtr 2010

Our Town

WALKING THE DOG: ARCHIVED

Cyrano

daemons

The Gospel of John

i take your hand in mine

The Owl and the Pussycat

Under Milk Wood

Vritue, Desire, etc.

Walking the dog's HAMLET

Weston Playhouse

A Raisin in the Sun

Rent - Weston

25th Spelling Bee

Fully Committed

Les Miserables

No Child. . .

The Light in the Piazza

Williamstown Theatre 2010

After the Revolution

Six Degrees of Separation

Samuel J. and K.

Funny Thing II

Funny Thing/Forum

It's Jewdy's Show

WTF ARCHIVED REVIEWS

The Atheist

Beyond Therapy

Broke-Ology

Caroline in Jersey

Children

David Storey's "Home"

A Flea in Her Ear

Knickerbocker

Quartermaine's Terms

She Loves Me

Three Sisters

The Torch-Bearers

True West

What is..Cause of Thunder

Nothing There For You
by J. Peter Bergman

PART THREE


          At just before 7:00 that Friday, the day after we had our confrontation, my Dad opened the door to the apartment and quietly, almost on tip-toe, walked in. He saw me, held up his hand, not a wave, just a signal, then put it over his mouth, palm out toward me, telling me secretly not to make a sound. He closed the door behind him without even letting the latch click into place. I watched him start to cross the dining room, heading toward the bedroom hallway when she stepped out of the kitchen, her yellow apron held in both hands as she dried her fingers. She watched his retreating back for about six seconds. Then she started in on him.


          "You forgot about them, didn’t you?" she asked him, "You totally forgot until it was almsot too late that you agreed to having ten people for dinner tonight."


          He turned sheepishly to face her, his eyes cast slightly down, but not past her waitline, I noticed.


          "I did forget, yes, dear." He paused, looked up, smiled his sweetest smile. "But I remembered in time to get home with time to spare."


          "What else did you remember?" she said.


          "What else should I have remembered?" he asked her. It was clear that he had no idea where she was going with this inquisition.


          "We talked about this last night, Bill," she said.


          "And I guess I forgot something, didn’t I?"


          "I guess you did. Yes." She had dropped the hem of her apron now and stood with her fists pressed into her hips. "Don’t take off your coat, you’re going out again."


          "What am I doing?" he said. "Once I’m outside, where am I going and what am I doing?"


          "Well, if you want any dessert, you better go back to Mullens’ and get the cake I ordered."


           "Cake? You didn’t bake one?"


           "Not for twelve people. No."


           You said, ten people, I thought to myself, but I never said it aloud.


           "A special occasion cake?" Dad asked her.


           "Oh, boy. You really did forget everything we discussed." She had that totally disgusted look on her face now. I was getting worried, but then I heard the girls coming down the hallway toward us. Roberta, my little sister was first, as always and Jackie was just a step or two behind her.


           "Jackie," my mother said instantly. "Go to Mullens’ and get the cake, please."


           "I’ll do it," my Dad said, almost petulantly.


          "Jackie will get the cake. She at least knows what to look for, what to expect. How would you know if you were getting the right one?"


          "What’s the occasion, Juney?" He almost sounded angry now, but not quite, not yet. "Just remind me and I’ll get the right cake." He turned to Jackie. "You and your sister go back to your room and play. I’ll do what I must."


          Jackie stayed exactly where she was. She wouldn’t move until told what to do by the only real authority figure in the house. Roberta came over to the couch and flopped down next to me. It was a good place from which to watch.


          When she came out of the kitchen again, she handed Dad a piece of paper. He unfolded it and looked at it. I could see the recognition in his face, in his eyes and mouth mostly, but also in his chin. He looked up at her and Jackie took a step forward toward them. Her movement caught Dad’s eye and diverted his attention.


          "I told you I’d take care of this, Jackie."


          "Is that all right with you?" Jackie asked her.


          "Your father can deal with this, I think." She turned back to him. "You can find Mullens’ all right, can’t you and bring back the cake? It’s already paid for, so just get it and get it back here safely. Twelve adults will be happy if you do."


          That’s when it hit him. He looked at her without speaking, but his face was registering a question, just like mine always did before I asked him one.


          "I thought you said ten people for dinner."


          "I did." Her tone sang defiance.


          "Now it’s twelve?"


          "Of course, Bill." She crossed her arms over her chest. She had really nice breasts, as I’d heard my father’s pals say often, and her arms were really high up, under her chin. "Ten guests and you and me. That’s twelve."


          "I thought there were eight guests and you and me made it ten."


          "No, twelve."


          "Well, okay then," he said. "I didn’t realize it was as a big a party as that."


          "Go get the sheet cake, please."


          "Yes, Ma’am, sheet cake for twelve."


          "No," she said, "the sheet cake will feed sixteen people."


          "I thought you said twelve."


          "Twelve adults and three kids. We have children, Bill, remember?"


          "I know that," he said. "I just didn’t know we were giving them cake, too."


          "Well, they live here and they’ll be here, so of course they should have their cake, too."


          "Okay, then," Dad replied, acknowledging her position on this. "Now that’s only fifteen people, and with Roberta, really only fourteen and a half."


          "Stop counting heads and cake, Bill," she said. "Just go get it."


          "But what happens to the other piece and a half?"


          "Bill," she said with a warning note in her voice. This was really unusual. I’d never heard Dad question her like this before. I didn’t quite understand what it was all about, but it was fascinating. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t agreed with her pronouncements, but he was actually asking the ‘why’ question, over and over. This was so totally new for me, so completely strange. Even Jackie was silently listening and watching them. Even Jackie.


          "June, I don’t mind spending the extra money for a sixteen-piece cake, I don’t. I just think we should have some idea about what happens to that left-o ver section."


          "Go get the cake!" she shouted at him. "Just go get it now."


          She turned away from him, and he reached out for her receding back. He touched her lightly on the shoulder and she shrugged him off as she retreated into the galley kitchen in the apartment. I was sure I saw a smile on his lips as he stood there, deciding whether or not to follow her. Jackie nudged me and I elbowed her back. I wasn’t taking my eyes off my Dad. Not now.


          "Okay, then," he said. "I’m off to Mullens’ for a sheet cake and a little leftover piece."


          "Good!" she shouted at him from the kitchen. "Hurry back. They’ll be here any minute."


          "Yes, indeedy, Ma’am," he called back to her as he opened the door again and moved out into the building’s hallway.


          Just before he finished his exit, he suddenly leaned back in, his head bent all the way back so he could look at us on the couch. Then he winked and before we could say or do anything, his head was gone like the rest of him and the door had slammed shut behind him.


END OF PART THREE
Part Four next Sunday


 

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