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SMALL IRONIES: Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Three

Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Seven

Chapter Forty-Eight

Chapter Forty-Nine

Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty-One

Chapter Fifty-Two

Epilogue

Three Continents

From the ship at sea 1

From the ship at sea 2

From the ship at sea 3

From the ship at sea, 4

From the ship at sea, 5

From the ship at sea , 6

From Rio!!

The Trip Home

NEW SHORT STORIES

Nothing There For You

Nothing There For You, 2

Nothing There For You, 3

Nothing There For You, 4

Chase of The Thrill, 1

Chase of the Thrill, 2

Chase of the Thrill, 3

Chase of The Thrill, 4

Of Course, part1

Of Course, part 2

Of Course, part 3

Of Course, concluded

In Memory: Of My Cruise 1

In Memory: Of My Cruise 2

In Memory: Of My Cruise 3

In Memory: Of My Cruise 4

Las Vegas, 1

Las Vegas, 2

Las Vegas, 3

Las Vegas, 4

Las Vegas, concluded

Mad Moment #1

Mad Moment #2

Mad Moment #3

Mad Moment #4

Margaret Never Knows, 1

Margaret Never Knows, 2

Margaret Never Knows, 3

Margaret Never Knows, 4

Margaret Never Knows, 5

Remote, part 1

Remote, part 2

Remote, part 3

Remote, concluded

POETRY

April's Fools

Easter Sunday

...simple answers

And when they come at me

Fogged In

BROADWAY/NYC THEATRE

Love, Linda

Curtains

Barrington Stage Company

The Fantasticks

A Streetcar Named Desire

Sleuth

Underneath the Lintel

Carousel

Freud's Last Session

This Wonderful Life

To Kill a Mockingbird

See Rock City. . .

Private Lives

The Violet Hour

Mysteries of Harris Burdi

...Spelling Bee

I Am My Own Wife

Trumbo

Berkshire Opera

Le Nozze di Figaro

La Boheme

Berkshire Theatre Fest.

Red Remembers

Sick

Ghosts

Prisoner of 2nd Avenue

Candide

The Einstein Project

Broadway by the Year

Faith Healer

A Christmas Carol

Eleanor: Her Secret Journ

Noel Coward in Two Keys

Waiting for Godot

A Man For All Seasons

The Book Club Play

Pageant Play

Candida

The Caretaker

BTF Archive

Chester Theatre Company

Tilted House

The Dishwashers

Almost, Maine

Blackbird

Copake Theatre Company

Nine Months

I Do! I Do!

Sour Grapes

Talking Heads

Grace & Glorie

Dorset Theatre Festival

Marry Me a Little

The Hollow

Merton of the Movies

St. Nicholas

June Moon

A Year with Frog and Toad

Ghent Playhouse

Complete Wm Shakespeare

Puss in Boots

Belles

Enchanted April

Dancing at Lughnasa

The Boys Next Door

Jack and the Beanstalk

Clue: The Musical

6 Women...

Picnic

Hair Loom!

Over the River, etc.

Literature

B ob Dylan

Christmasville

A Lesser Saint

Upstreet, #1

Mac-Haydn Theatre

Meet Me in St. Lou

Crazy For You

Sweet Charity

Beauty and the Beast

Hello, Dolly!

Joseph. . .Dreamcoat

High Society

The Sound of Music

Phantom

Hairspray

Chorus Line

Music

Journeys by Robert Baksa

Mary Verdi: Precious Love

Mahagonny

NYSTI

And Then There Were None

King Island Christmas

A Legend of Sleepy Hollow

The Philadelphia Story

Yours, Anne

Orphan Train

Of Mice and Men

Twelve Angry Jurors

Anastasia

1776

Macbeth

Miracle On 34th Street

Arsenic and Old Lace

American Soup

Ordeal By Innocence

Reunion

Oldcastle Theatre Company

Third

Beauty Queen of Leenane

"Almost, Maine" in VT

One Two Three

The Grass is Greener

Restaurants

Bezalel Gables

Blantyre

Brazillian

Burrito Bound

SPICE!

Shakespeare & Co.

Liaisons Dangereuses

Cindy Bella

Hound of Baskervilles

White People

Dreamer Examines Pillow

Twelfth Night

Golda's Balcony

Pinter's Mirror

The Actors Rehearse...

Shirley Valentine

Romeo and Juliet

Bad Dates

The Canterville Ghost

Goatwoman of Corvis Count

Othello

All's Well That Ends Well

The Ladies Man

Special Attractions

Paris, 1890--Unlaced

BCC's A Christmas Carol

Sister's Christmas Catech

i take your hand in mine

The Pajame Game

Her Name is Vincent

Property Known as Garland

12th Night

I Know I Came...Something

Vritue, Desire, etc.

Forbidden Broadway

Doubt, a Parable

Voices' A Christmas Carol

Dickens A Christmas Carol

Marie Galante

Machinal

Under Milk Wood

The Owl and the Pussycat

Capitol Steps

Late Nite Catechism

Rabbit Hole

Taming of The Shrew

Mystery of Irma Vep

daemons

I Love a Piano

Walking the dog's HAMLET

The News in Revue

Cyrano

The Mikado

Saturday Night Liv

A Chorus Line

The Gospel of John

BCC - Christmas Carol

Morgan O-Yuki

Rent

Theater Barn

Moonlight and Magnolias

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Romance, Romance

Zanna Don't!

Veronica's Room

Leading Ladies

Murder at Howard Johnson

Visiting Mr. Green

Grease

Forever Plaid

The Musical of Musicals

The Mousetrap

Same Time, Next Year

How the Other Half Loves

Visual Arts

Weston Playhouse

A Raisin in the Sun

Rent - Weston

25th Spelling Bee

Fully Committed

Les Miserables

No Child. . .

The Light in the Piazza

Williamstown Theatre Fest

Quartermaine's Terms

Caroline in Jersey

The Torch-Bearers

What is..Cause of Thunder

True West

Knickerbocker

Children

David Storey's "Home"

A Flea in Her Ear

Three Sisters

Broke-Ology

She Loves Me

The Atheist

Beyond Therapy

Chapter Seven


From Brewer’s The Dictionary of Phrase and Fable:


Strasbourg Goose. A goose fattened, crammed and

confined in order to enlarge its liver. Metaphorically,

one crammed with instruction and kept from healthy

exercise in order to pass examinations.


          Sitting in a chair that seemed to be larger even than her bed at home, Freddy Wales felt remarkably, no stupendously, at home. She stretched out her arms to reach the outside edges of the chair’s arms. She was sitting upright and all the way back against the high, tufted firmly stretched lavender fabric that covered the chair. Her feet dangled over the edge of the seat cushion, but didn’t dangle far as the seat was too deep to allow her to lean back, sit upright and still bend her kness at the front end of the seat.


          "This has to be the largest chair in the world," she said to Mikhael. "It just has to be."


          "You know it isn’t so," the boy replied to her. "There are many much bigger. Even in Washington the city there is an enormous chair in which your former president Lincoln sits."


          "But that’s not a comfortable chair," she said quickly. "That’s carved from marble." She let her fingers arch and grip then loose, arch and grip again. "This is a very comfortable chair."


          "For you, perhaps," Mikhael said. "But for me, and for my father too, it is a chair that contains us and brings no joy at all."


          "What do you mean, it contains you?"


          "It is a seat of long tradition and it should not be here."


          "What does that mean?"


          "My father has taken it from his country without the permission of the state."


          "Was it his chair?" she asked him.


          "It was!" He said it proudly.


          "Then what’s the problem? He has a right to sit in his own chair." When Mikhael didn’t answer her, she went on a bit. 
 
          "Well, doesn’t he have that right?"


          "No. That is our trouble."


          "Well, I don’t understand this at all. Mikhael you never tell me much. We’ve been friends now for a month and you never tell me anything."


          "I tell you my secrets," he said sharply.


          "Oh, yes, sure. But what secrets are they? ‘Nobody likes me.’ Well nobody likes me much either. ‘I’m everyone’s dog,’ well that’s no secret. You let them take advantage of you all the time. So what?"


          "It is hurtful, Fredericka."


          "It is hurtful...well, duh! Of course it is. If you let it be. You have to be more like me and just ignore the stupid ones."


          "That is why I like you. Well, it’s one reason."


          "And do you know why I like you?"


          "Because I bring you home in a limousine. I know."


          "No. Don’t be an ass. I like you because you’re smart, like me. I like you because you aren’t surrounded by shallow ones, just like me."


          "It’s true."


          "And I like you because you like me. That’s the most important reason."


          Mikhael came over to where she was sitting in the grand seat and sat himself down on the small upholstered foot rest at the base of the chair. He reached up and touched her foot which she jerked away from his hand.


          "Why did you do that?" she demanded.


          "I just touched your foot."


          "I know what you did. Why did you do it?"


          "It seemed right, just then."


          "Well, don’t do it again, hear?" She waggled a forefinger in his direction.


          "Yes, your highness," he said, acknowledging her command. He bowed his head for a moment, then jerked it back upright to look at her. She was smiling, but trying not to and her smile became a smirk.


          "You have the bearing of a queen," he said softly.


          "I do not."


          "You must not always be so adamant, or I will have to call you Queen Fredericka."


          She was running her right hand forward and back along the swank arm of the big chair. Without taking her eyes off his she asked him, "Is that what this is, then? Is it a throne?"


          His eyes stayed on hers, locked on hers really, as he slowly bobbed his head up and down a few times.


          "So, does that mean your father is a king, then?" Mikhael didn’t reply.


          "Is your dad a king, Mikhael? Is that what you tried to tell me?"


          "No. I never tried to tell you that."


          Freddy leaned forward, cinching her waist as she bent close to his face.


          "You always choose your words so carefully, my friend."


          "And you always assume you have the correct answer at the ready, Freddy," he replied. She laughed at the unintentional rhyme, but then caught herself mid-chuckle when she realized that he indeed chosen his words with care, for he had deflected her question with humor.


          "You’re a clever boy."


          "You’re a clever girl."


          "We should be friends, right?"


          "Correct."


          She pushed herself forward until her legs were really dangling down, in front of the plush, pillowed armchair. She reached over and touched his hair gently, finger-combing it out of his eyes and back over his ear.


          "You don’t want me to say anything to anyone, do you, about this chair, about your father?"


          "No, please."


          She smiled at him, but not a sly smile or a mean smile. This was real friendship and a soft smile was called for here. "All right. Secret’s safe."


           Mikhael stood up and took her hands and helped her off the throne.


          "In this country, anyway, a throne has a different meaning, you know."


          Mikhael stared at her, not catching her drift.


          "Here when you say you were on the throne, it means the crapper." She laughed and in an instant he was laughing also.


          "My father would like that word," he said. "He always seeks new words to describe his situation. This would suit his mood, I know."


          "Can I meet him some time?" Freddy asked her friend.


          "Perhaps. Some time. This is not the good time, though. For now he is not available to be met by strangers."


          "I’m not a stranger. I’m your best friend." She grinned. "Hell, I’m your only friend."


          He shook his head for a moment, his smile reverting to a frown. "No. There is another friend."


          "Another...? Who?"


          "Someone you have not met. My mentor."


          "Your what?"


          "My teacher and my guide. My Mentor. In the evening when I am alone here he comes and for many hours will talk with me and lecture to me and give me guidance as to my lessons, and as to my role."


          "What’s your role? What does that mean?"


          "I am trained to succeed my father as heir-presumptive to... to what he would inherit if that was ever to be possible."


          "So you study to be important? Mikhael, you’re important just being you."


          "I must be made ready if things ever change in our favor, Freddy."


          "What are you king of? I want to know."


          "I am not a king. I am not a prince. I am Mikhael Staffiev of 154th Street." His tone was one of recitation, a childlike recitation that gave too much information and said too little to satisfy Freddy. She held him by his shoulders and gently shook him twice. "Why did you do that?"


          "You were gone, Mikhael. You were totally gone from here just then. It was like your voice was coming out of the chair and not you."


          "I was here, Fredericka. I am always here," and as he said it he touched the chair itself.


          She moved away from him, over to a couch that faced a fireplace at the other side of the room. He watched her as she sauntered through the space, around the furniture and he watched her as she turned to look at him from this discreet distance she had now placed between them.


          "I want to know," she said.


          "What do you need to know?" he asked her.


          "I want...."


          He stopped her before she could continue. "What do you need to know?" he repeated, emphasizing the word "need."

She caught the tone and amended her question.


          "I guess I need to know who you are, really."


          "And I have told you. You know my name and my age and where I live and where I go to school. Those things define who I am, really."


          "Then, I guess," she said, pausing to find the way to put this correctly, "I need to know who you would be if things were different for you."


          He smiled at her, took two steps in her direction and stopped before responding. "If things were different for me, Freddy, I would be Cary Grant." He clapped his hands together twice, giggled and twirled in a circle, coming to a calm, complete stop facing her again.


          Freddy laughed, then pointed at him. "You almost could be Cary Grant, you know. You have that cleft in your chin, just like his."


          He poked himself in the chin. "I know. It is strange for no one else in my family has such a cleft."


          "And he came from somewhere foreign too," Freddy added.


          "And he was a stilt-walker, did you know that?" Mikhael asked. "I can do that. I can walk on stilts. Shall I show you?"


          The boy’s eagerness to show off exposed a whole new side of him to Freddy. He wasn’t being careful suddenly of everything he said and did. There was a sudden spontaneity about him that she was enjoying very much.


          "Show me? That’s not good enough. Can you teach me?"


          "I can and I will do it." He raced out of the room and she followed him. Wherever those stilts were, perhaps there would be another piece of the puzzle that was Mikhael Staffiev. That was something she couldn’t afford to miss.


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