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SMALL IRONIES: Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Three

Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Seven

Chapter Forty-Eight

Chapter Forty-Nine

Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty-One

Chapter Fifty-Two

Epilogue

Three Continents

From the ship at sea 1

From the ship at sea 2

From the ship at sea 3

From the ship at sea, 4

From the ship at sea, 5

From the ship at sea , 6

From Rio!!

The Trip Home

NEW SHORT STORIES

Nothing There For You

Nothing There For You, 2

Nothing There For You, 3

Nothing There For You, 4

Chase of The Thrill, 1

Chase of the Thrill, 2

Chase of the Thrill, 3

Chase of The Thrill, 4

Of Course, part1

Of Course, part 2

Of Course, part 3

Of Course, concluded

In Memory: Of My Cruise 1

In Memory: Of My Cruise 2

In Memory: Of My Cruise 3

In Memory: Of My Cruise 4

Las Vegas, 1

Las Vegas, 2

Las Vegas, 3

Las Vegas, 4

Las Vegas, concluded

Mad Moment #1

Mad Moment #2

Mad Moment #3

Mad Moment #4

Margaret Never Knows, 1

Margaret Never Knows, 2

Margaret Never Knows, 3

Margaret Never Knows, 4

Margaret Never Knows, 5

Remote, part 1

Remote, part 2

Remote, part 3

Remote, concluded

POETRY

April's Fools

Easter Sunday

...simple answers

And when they come at me

Fogged In

BROADWAY/NYC THEATRE

Love, Linda

Curtains

Barrington Stage Co. 2010

Art

Pool Boy

Sweeney Todd

The Whipping Man

Freud's Last Session

BSC ARCHIVED REVIEWS

Carousel

The Fantasticks

I Am My Own Wife

Mysteries of Harris Burdi

Private Lives

See Rock City. . .

Sleuth

...Spelling Bee

A Streetcar Named Desire

This Wonderful Life

To Kill a Mockingbird

Trumbo

Underneath the Lintel

The Violet Hour

Berkshire Opera

Le Nozze di Figaro

La Boheme

Berkshire Theatre 2010

The Guardsman

Endgame

The Last Five Years

K2

BTF ARCHIVED REVIEWS

BTF Archive

The Book Club Play

Broadway by the Year

Candida

Candide

The Caretaker

A Christmas Carol

The Einstein Project

Eleanor: Her Secret Journ

Faith Healer

Ghosts

A Man For All Seasons

Noel Coward in Two Keys

Pageant Play

Prisoner of 2nd Avenue

Red Remembers

Sick

Waiting for Godot

Chester Theatre Company

Tilted House

The Dishwashers

Almost, Maine

Blackbird

Copake Theatre Company

Nine Months

I Do! I Do!

Sour Grapes

Talking Heads

Grace & Glorie

Dorset Theatre Fest 2010

Murder on the Nile

Fallen Angels

The Pavilion

DORSET ARCHIVED REVIEWS

The Hollow

June Moon

Marry Me a Little

Merton of the Movies

St. Nicholas

A Year with Frog and Toad

Ghent Playhouse

Prisoner/2nd Avenue

Mrs. Farnsworth

Complete Wm Shakespeare

Puss in Boots

Belles

Enchanted April

Dancing at Lughnasa

The Boys Next Door

Jack and the Beanstalk

Clue: The Musical

6 Women...

Picnic

Hair Loom!

Over the River, etc.

Literature

B ob Dylan

Christmasville

A Lesser Saint

Upstreet, #1

Mac-Haydn Theatre 2010

Damn Yankees

Chicago

The Secret Garden

Anything Goes

MACHAYDN ARCHIVED REVIEWS

Beauty and the Beast

Chorus Line

Crazy For You

Hairspray

Hello, Dolly!

High Society

Joseph. . .Dreamcoat

Meet Me in St. Lou

Phantom

The Sound of Music

Sweet Charity

Music

Journeys by Robert Baksa

Mary Verdi: Precious Love

Mahagonny

NYSTI

Romeo & Juliet

And Then There Were None

King Island Christmas

A Legend of Sleepy Hollow

The Philadelphia Story

Yours, Anne

Orphan Train

Of Mice and Men

Twelve Angry Jurors

Anastasia

1776

Macbeth

Miracle On 34th Street

Arsenic and Old Lace

American Soup

Ordeal By Innocence

Reunion

OLDCASTLE ARCHIVED REVIEW

"Almost, Maine" in VT

Beauty Queen of Leenane

The Grass is Greener

One Two Three

Third

Restaurants

Bezalel Gables

Blantyre

Brazillian

Burrito Bound

SPICE!

Shakespeare & Co-2010

The Winter's Tale

Richard III

Mengelberg and Mahler

Julius Caesar

SHAKES & CO ARCHIVES

The Actors Rehearse...

All's Well That Ends Well

Bad Dates

The Canterville Ghost

Cindy Bella

Dreamer Examines Pillow

Goatwoman of Corvis Count

Golda's Balcony

Hound of Baskervilles

The Ladies Man

Liaisons Dangereuses

Othello

Pinter's Mirror

Romeo and Juliet

Shirley Valentine

Twelfth Night

White People

Special Attractions

"Earnest" in Albany

Life Is Short

Paris, 1890--Unlaced

BCC's A Christmas Carol

Sister's Christmas Catech

The Pajame Game

Her Name is Vincent

Property Known as Garland

12th Night

I Know I Came...Something

Forbidden Broadway

Doubt, a Parable

Voices' A Christmas Carol

Dickens A Christmas Carol

Marie Galante

Machinal

Capitol Steps

Late Nite Catechism

Rabbit Hole

Taming of The Shrew

Mystery of Irma Vep

I Love a Piano

The News in Revue

The Mikado

Saturday Night Liv

A Chorus Line

BCC - Christmas Carol

Morgan O-Yuki

Rent

Stageworks Hudson 2010

Imagining Madoff

Or,

Theater Barn 2010

Spider's Web

Red, White and Tuna

THEATER BARN ARCHIVES

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Forever Plaid

Grease

How the Other Half Loves

Leading Ladies

Moonlight and Magnolias

The Mousetrap

Murder at Howard Johnson

The Musical of Musicals

Romance, Romance

Same Time, Next Year

Veronica's Room

Visiting Mr. Green

Zanna Don't!

Visual Arts

Walking the Dog Thtr 2010

Our Town

WALKING THE DOG: ARCHIVED

Cyrano

daemons

The Gospel of John

i take your hand in mine

The Owl and the Pussycat

Under Milk Wood

Vritue, Desire, etc.

Walking the dog's HAMLET

Weston Playhouse

A Raisin in the Sun

Rent - Weston

25th Spelling Bee

Fully Committed

Les Miserables

No Child. . .

The Light in the Piazza

Williamstown Theatre 2010

After the Revolution

Six Degrees of Separation

Samuel J. and K.

Funny Thing II

Funny Thing/Forum

It's Jewdy's Show

WTF ARCHIVED REVIEWS

The Atheist

Beyond Therapy

Broke-Ology

Caroline in Jersey

Children

David Storey's "Home"

A Flea in Her Ear

Knickerbocker

Quartermaine's Terms

She Loves Me

Three Sisters

The Torch-Bearers

True West

What is..Cause of Thunder

Chapter Six


From Brewer’s The Dictionary of Phrase and Fable


"Heir-Presumptive. One who will be heir

if no one is born having a prior claim. Thus

the Princess Royal was heir-presumptive till

the Prince of Wales was born; and if the

Prince of Wales had been king before any

family had been born to him, then...his brother

would have been heir-presumptive."


          She saw Mikhail, finally, when the bell sounded. As she looked up at him, he was turning away from her, toward the classroom. She reached out in his direction, but he was moving suddenly, lurching forward and away again.


          "What did you say your name was?" she asked him, loudly enough for two other girls to turn in her direction but apparently not loud enough for him to hear and respond to her. "What’s your name?" she shouted.


          "Mikhael," he shouted back. "Don’t shout at me." And he was gone. Freddy picked up her books and hurried off to her own class, hoping she’d find him there, but a quick scan of the room showed her that he was definitely not in the same class. "I’ll find him later," she thought, but she knew as surely as she knew her own lack of significance in the world that she wouldn’t find him later. Not soon, at any rate. After all, she’d never even seen him before today and the term was more than half behind her.


          The balance of her day went as days usually went: nothing interesting happened and she only learned what she thought she had already known on any and every subject. At three o’clock, with no after-school activities scheduled, she boarded her bus for the trip home. Once again she checked the conveyance, as she had all of her classes, in cace Mikhael might be on her bus, but she was disappointed to discover that he wasn’t. Most likely he was headed in a different direction yet again.


          As the schoolbus pulled away from the curb she spotted someone she thought might be Mikhael. The boy’s hair was what she thought she remembered and the shirt and jacket as well. The boy was entering a limousine and after the way he had described himself, as everyone’s dog, she knew she she was wrong about the boy she was watching.

          There was no way this could be Mikhael. Only rich boys rode in cars that were chauffered. Only rich boys. Not people who talked to her.


          Fridays were good for Freddy. On Fridays she understood that pressures are abating and her need to be special changed to a need to simply be. That included the need to be with boys, her special need to be with one boy who liked her in a different way. So, without the need to excel at everything, Freddy often took a more relaxed tone on a Friday. She actually flirted with the boys she liked and she always hoped that her flirting would bring about a movie date, or an invitation to a school dance or a party. What never occurred to her was that her behavior switch was too late, came too late in the week to impress a boy that she was date material. Instead they all just thought she was tired from too much showing off her brains without letting those brains consider her body. And at least one group of boys really knew it.


          "Freddy has no breasts," Ian Carter said on this particular Friday to the other three boys who were close to him at the time. "I could see across the inside of that shirt she was wearing and she doesn’t have any."


          "That’s ‘cause she isn’t a real girl," Jeremy Finn responded.


          "Course she is," said Barry Hedge. "My sister takes gym class with her and she told me Freddy has too got breasts and their pretty ones, too."


          "What does your old sister know about breasts?" Ian said with a haughty tone in his voice.


          "My sister has great boobs," Barry added. "She knows what’s what when it comes to them things."


          "Aw, you’ve got better breasts than Freddy does, Barry," Ian spat back at him. "You got real girly breasts."


          Barry, who was overweight and sensitive about it, reared back, swinging his arm above his head, his hand clenching hard into a fist. He was about to lay one on Ian, when Harry Barnett grabbed his arm in mid-swing and whipped him around to face the other way.


          "Hey, what are you doing?" Barry snarled at him.


          "Leave it alone, Barry, leave it alone, hear?" Harry said to him. "Ian’s just being stupid, that’s all."


         "You just like Freddy too much, Harry," Jeremy said.


          "I don’t." Barry was almost stammering now.


          "Yeah, you do," Ian agreed.


          "You do," said Harry. "And it shows."


          "She’s a wise-ass," Barry said defensively.


          "But you like that in your women," Ian added. "You like ‘em dominant."


          "I don’t even know what that means," Barry protested.


          "You probably will one day," Harry said.


          "Yeeeeeeaaaah!" Barry muttered, taking a step back away from the others. He paused phsyically and vocally. "You all think you’re so smart." He turned on his heels and ran off down the hallway.


          "Think he’s going to check out Freddy?" Ian asked the other two.


          "Like a library book?" Jeremy asked.


          "Like Marilyn Monroe, stupid," Barry told him. "He’s going to look down Freddy’s shirt and see for himself what she’s got there."


          "We should watch him do it, right?" Ian suggested in a question.


          "Yeah," the other two chorused and the three of them moved off down the hallway to see if they could catch up to Barry in his quest for cup-size truths.


          Freddy, of course, was completely unaware of any of this. She was sitting, as she often did on a Friday, on the third step of the rear staircase, the one furthest away from the cafeteria or the gym. It was usually a quiet spot in the late afternoon. The classrooms on the second and third floor on this side of the building were reserved for chemistry labs and industrial vocational classes. Most of those ended right after lunch and so there were fewer students or teachers using this particular stairwell. She found it a perfect place to sit and read for eight minutes or just to think about things. On this Friday she was reading.


          She didn’t look up when she heard the footsteps behind her. "Whoever it is," she thought, "will go right by me." She paid so little attention to the slight clatter of feet that she didn’t notice the sudden lack of footfalls. What did finally attract her attention was the sound of breathing. It was coming from above her. With a sudden tug of apprehension she slowly glanced up and saw the face of Barry Hedge staring, upside down, at her on the step below.


          "What are you doing?" she yelled at him.


          "Don’t get angry," Barry said quickly, a fearful grab in his throat.


          "What were you doing, Barry? Tell me."


          "I was just... looking."


          "Looking at what?"


          "Your..."


          "Oh."


          They both remained silent for a while.


          "Do you want to ask me out?" Freddy said, finally breaking the lull.

 
          "Me? No. Why?"


          "Nothing."


          "Would you go out with me?"


          She looked at him and thought about the question. Then she replied.
"You’re not my type, Barry," she said, but she was secretly glad that he had asked her. It made this Friday a perfect day. She instantly returned to her book and ignored him, hoping he’d go away.


          She heard feet moving, but she wasn’t sure of their direction. When Barry didn’t appear in front of her, she assumed he’d gone back the way he came. But she was surprised and alarmed when another male voice spoke to her from below.


          "I like your spirit," said the voice and she knew at once it was Mikhael. That touch of the foreign "something" in the air told her it must be him.


          "Who the hell are you?" Barry shouted from above her somewhere, close but not as close as he’d been.


          "Don’t answer him," Feddy said.


          "Hey!" came a shout from far above her. Ian had been unable to contain himself with the newcomer in the picture. "Hey, you! Dog boy! Get down and lick my boots!" This brought derisive laughter from the other boys with him. Barry was heading up in their direction now and Freddy was on her feet.


          "Ian Carter, you wash your mouth out with soap!" She called up to him. She followed this with a loud, long Bronx Cheer. "Don’t let them talk to you like that," she said in Mikhael’s direction.


          "I don’t care, really," he said quietly.


          "Well, I do. I hate the way they talk down to me."


          "Well, perhaps I can offer some solace," the boy said to her. "May I offer you a ride home at the end of the day?"


          "A ride home, how?" But she remembered the sight of the boy she thought was him entering the limousine and she knew what he meant.


          "I have a car that brings me here and takes me away," he said. "I would put it at your disposal."


          A door slammed above them and Freddy understood that to mean that Barry and the other boys were gone.


          "Thanks. I’d love a ride."


          "And you’re not afraid to enter a strange person’s car? Hasn’t your mother cautioned you about doing such things?"


          "My mother knows I have sound judgment," she said.


          "And you will let me take you home?"


          "I will."


          He came around the corner of the stairwell and stood looking up at her.


          "If you have any questions, please feel free to ask them. I am here to answer all."


          "You talk funny," she said. "Are you from a foreign country?"


          "My family is. I am born here."


          "And you have money, I guess, if you have a car and driver. Your family must be important folks."


          "My father is heir-presumptive to an important position in the old world. Here he merely works in a bank."


          "What does..." she was going to ask him to define the concept of heir-presumptive, but chose instead to ask another question. "What does it feel like to be special?"


          "I told you that already. I am everyone’s dog. Here there is no respect for what is special in a person. That is something you should already know, Fredericka."


          "I like the way you said my name just then," she told him, "with that extra ick sound. You made it soft and ladylike."


          "It is how we would say it in my father’s land."


          "Well, I like it."


          That day, and for most of it and not just this one moment, Freddy cherished being Frederica. Suddenly Friday had taken on the polish she had always imagined it could.

 

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